n stands for neutral
by lloydskywalkers
Summary: In hindsight, Kai probably should've picked an emptier parking lot, but it's not really his fault that Sensei Wu didn't keep up with the insurance on the car. That's the price you pay for teaching a kid how to fly a dragon before he drives, he guesses. (Or, Kai teaches Lloyd to drive. It goes about as well as you'd expect.)


**School has put me so unbelievably behind on literally everything but I'm trying to revive myself so! I'm gonna start by finally posting some of my tumblr oneshots one here already :') **

**(Actually Raising Hell should update tomorrow as well if all goes well, meaning I finally get over myself and finish editing it.)**

**In the meantime I just...needed some pointless happiness in my life, and it manifested in something a bit more like crack? I helped my cousin learn how to drive last month and that contributed a lot XD**

* * *

"I can't believe this."

"You really should've seen it coming."

"From everyone else, maybe, but from you? I _trusted_ you, Kai."

"Lloyd—"

"You were supposed to be my brother!"

"For the love of—" Kai turns around in the driver's seat, staring at Lloyd where he's (very much against his will) sitting in the passenger's seat with his knees pulled up to his chest. "Are you seriously quoting _Star Wars _at me right now?"

"You tell me, Anakin Mc-Scarface, you _traitor_."

Kai rubs a hand across his face, counting to three under his breath. "You are the worst drama queen, you know that, right."

Lloyd folds his arms across his chest, looking grumpier than the wet cat Kai had rescued from a drainage flood the other day. "Takes one to know one," Lloyd mutters.

"Look, I'm still serious about picking up that cookie cake, promise," Kai says, wincing a bit at the reminder that he has, technically, stabbed Lloyd in the back, just a tiny bit. "Driving practice is just a stop on the way."

Lloyd shoots him one of those _I'm-Gonna-Flaunt-My-Overlord-Heritage _looks, the one that could strip paint from a wall.

"I don't need a stupid driver's license."

"Yes, you do!" Kai exclaims, throwing his hand up in the air. "What are you gonna do if you need to get somewhere? What are you gonna do if you get pulled over?"

Lloyd's lip juts out stubbornly. "I'm gonna light the car on fire and fly away on a dregon."

Kai wonders briefly if this is how Nya feels. "You're the worst gremlin of a brother I've ever had."

"And you're a stir-fried ice cream head."

"I should've let you burn in the fire temple," Kai mutters, as he pulls the car into a mostly-empty parking lot.

"But you didn't," Lloyd says, a bit more cheerfully.

"A tragic mistake, really," Kai sighs.

"Yeah," Lloyd says, propping his elbows up on the armrest of Kai's seat and grinning at him. "Just think — then _you_ could've been the green ninja right now. Blew your chance."

"It might not be too late," Kai says, side-eyeing him. "I could still off you and steal the green gi, you know."

Lloyd snorts. "Yeah, then _you_ could give the motivational team speeches—"

"You haven't set a super high bar—"

"—and you get to fend off whatever rabid ex-student of Sensei Wu comes by next week—"

"On second thought—"

"—and you'd get Garmadon for a dad—"

"No I wouldn't!"

"Well you'd have to see him all the time, at least—"

"Well _that's_ the nail in the coffin, there."

Lloyd giggles, falling back in his seat. "As if you could defeat me anyways," he says, smugly.

"Oh yeah?" Kai says, pulling the car into one of the vacant parking spots (not that it matters, the entire lot is empty save for one car in the corner, but you know, lessons). "How about this: I'll trade you five cookie cakes for the green gi—"

"Done."

Kai blinks, his hand pausing on the gear shift as he shifts it into park. "Seriously? That's it?"

"I'd probably trade it for one," Lloyd says, messing absently with the string on his hoodie. "Cookies are a way better trade off."

Kai has _words_ for that, but he desists. The Preeminent was only a few months ago, after all, and not that long ago Lloyd had a greasy emo jerk possess him because he was salty that _he_ wasn't the chosen one.

Kai suppresses a snort. After meeting the guy, he honestly wonders why anyone was even _surprised_—

Anyways. Rant aside, Kai is on a mission here, and he'd promised Nya and the guys he'd have Lloyd driving like a pro when he came back. In hindsight, this was probably too big a promise on Kai's part.

"Do I _have_ to?" Lloyd complains, as Kai unbuckles his seatbelt and gestures for them to switch places. "We drive mechs, Kai, why do I even need to know how to drive a car?"

"Because," Kai says, insistently. "This is a normal person check box. If you ever want to have a life outside of obsessive ninja training and world-saving, you gotta at _least_ know how to parallel park."

"_You_ don't even know how to parallel park," Lloyd accuses.

Kai bristles. "Just because I hit another car once—"

"Twice."

"—_twice_, doesn't mean I haven't parallel parked right before!"

"Sure," Lloyd says, in a voice that sounds _way_ too much like Kai's own snarky skepticism, oh geez, has he created a monster when he wasn't looking—

No, Kai decides, calming himself. He's been nothing but a stellar role model, of course.

"Anyways, it's an important part of growing up," Kai says sagely, like the absolutely amazing older brother he is. "You've only got a certain number of important life events, and you already steamrolled past becoming a teen. We gotta treasure the rest. Getting your license, being old enough to vote, having alcohol for the first time—"

"Actually, I already had alcohol for the first time," Lloyd corrects him.

"…what."

"Yeah," Lloyd says, wrinkling his nose. "When Morro possessed me he took this shot or something, it was super gross — wait, Kai, where are you going? Kai, get back in the car!"

"—find a way to the Departed Realm _myself_, and then I'll show him where he can stick his shot glass—"

"Kai, please—"

"—shove his ugly emo head in a blender—"

"Kai, people are watching us!"

* * *

After a good ten minutes of Lloyd coaching Kai through calming exercises, and a bad five minutes of Lloyd dragging Kai by the hair back into the car before he tries his hand at necromancy, Kai finally convinces Lloyd to get into the driver's seat.

This is, unfortunately, the easy part.

"Okay," Kai says, pointing to the gear shift. "These here are super important, 'cause if you put it in the wrong one, you'll shoot backwards on accident."

Lloyd snorts. "Speaking from experience?"

Kai shoots him a look. "Just listen, okay?"

Lloyd shrugs, but he doesn't say anything else. Kai shakes his head. "Anyways, like I was saying — this is an automatic car, so it's easier than stick shift, but you still gotta pay attention to the gear shift. It's in park right now, which is the _P_, see?" Kai taps the transmission. "That means it won't move, even if you hit the gas. If you want to move, you shift it into drive, which is _D_, right here. The _R_ is for reverse, which is if you wanna go backwards. _N_ is for neutral, which is pretty pointless I guess. And the _L_ is for low, which means, uh….low," Kai finishes awkwardly. Huh, maybe Nya _should_ have taken this one…

He shakes that off and directs his attention back to Lloyd. "You got all that?"

Lloyd, who has been tuning him out for the last five minutes in favor of watching the little bee that's outside their window buzz around the antenna, quickly yanks his attention back to Kai, trying to seem like he's been listening like a diligent little brother the whole time.

"Yes. Totally got it. The PRDNL. Good to go."

Kai narrows his eyes at him. "Then what's the _P_ stand for?"

Lloyd rolls his eyes. "Park, duh."

"And the _N_?" Kai says, shrewdly.

"Uh…" Lloyd tries not to sweat. "N_ever_ hit…another car?"

Kai thunks his head against the glove compartment. "You're not even gonna make _into_ the car for the test," he groans.

"It's not my fault it's so boring!" Lloyd defends. "All this stuff about the park and reverse and braking is stupid—"

"Really, the brakes are stupid?"

"You know what I mean!" Lloyd huffs, slouching down in the seat. "I don't even _want_ to be here."

"Look," Kai says, trying his very best not to make a crack about the five year-old that Lloyd is. "If you stop whining about it, I'll make cookies with you when we get home."

Lloyd eyes him, looking slightly more receptive. "Chocolate chip?"

"I was actually thinking oatmeal raisin this time, change it up a bit—"

Lloyd gags. "Oatmeal raisin?" he repeats, scandalized. "You'd rather have _oatmeal raisin _cookies than chocolate chip? Who are you, satan?"

"Yes," Kai says, flatly. "I'm the devil incarnate."

"The _driving_ devil—"

"You know what, just go ahead and start driving," Kai says, grinding his palms in his eyes. "You know which is brakes and which is the gas, right?"

"_Obviously_," Lloyd rolls his eyes. "Get ready for the ultimate driving master, heh."

"I can't believe I helped raise you."

"Psh, you were _lucky_ to," Lloyd says. Kai shakes his head, grinning against his better will. Lloyd falls quiet, and Kai watches him expectantly.

Then watches him expectantly for another minute.

"You can drive now."

"…"

"…Lloyd."

"…"

"Lloyd, you can drive."

Lloyd remains frozen at the steering wheel, gripping it hard enough to creak. "Um."

Kai stares at him. "Lloyd?"

"I'm going," Lloyd says, tightly. "Just. Gimme a sec."

Kai blinks, staring at him another minute. Lloyd makes no move, and the car doesn't either, quietly puttering away in park.

Kai gestures to the gear shift. "Just start with changing the gear—"

"I know," Lloyd grits out. "Stop putting so much pressure on me."

"_Pressure_, I'm not even—" Kai cuts off, trying not to face-palm. Okay, new tactic. "Just…imagine the road is Morro's face," Kai suggests.

Lloyd blinks. "What?"

"Imagine the road is Morro," Kai repeats. "And you're, uh, running him over if you drive."

Lloyd turns this over in his head, the epiphany dawning on his face. "You're right," he says, his voice hushed. "If I knew how to drive, I _could_ run him over."

"Well yeah, I mean, if he wasn't already dead, and that's not _quite_ the point I was going for there, but—"

"I changed my mind," Lloyd says, a look of hellish glee in his eyes. "I _like_ driving."

_Uh-oh._

"Don't get carried away," Kai says, sweating. "Here, just take it slow—"

Lloyd throws the car into drive, and— _oof_, there's the gas, he was paying attention after all, apparently.

"Okay, that was a little rough, but so far, so — um, Lloyd?" Kai says, weakly. "Lloyd, you might wanna — you might wanna slow down a bit—"

"That would defeat the purpose," Lloyd says, resolutely turning the steering wheel as they pick up speed.

Kai looks at him in alarm. "The purpose?"

A grin spreads across Lloyd's face that looks _way_ too much like it belongs on Garmadon's face. "Of running Morro over."

"Morro is _hypothetical_, Lloyd—!"

"I know, but—" Lloyd pauses, a slight look of panic crossing his face. Kai follows his line of vision, and realizes that they're now headed in the direction of the lone car in the lot with them.

"Uh, which one was the brakes again?"

Kai stares at him in disbelief. "The left."

"The left what?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"The left _what_, Kai?!"

"The left _pedal_, Lloyd, hit it, hit it — no, with your _foot_, you idiot—"

As it turns out, they're both idiots, as no one thinks to turn the wheel in time.

* * *

"Can I say a bad word."

"_No_."

"Rats."

"I can't believe this," Kai moans. "There is literally _one_. One _single_ car in this parking lot, and you _still_ managed to hit it."

"I'm going to prison," Lloyd says sadly, surveying the two wrecked cars, Sensei's old rented car neatly smashed into the considerably more expensive sports car, crushing the side in.

At least neither of them got hurt, Kai thinks, dully. Property damage was only kept to a few couple thousand dollars this time, that's…probably a record for him and Lloyd, actually.

It's still not _good_, but Kai is nothing if not a loyal brother, and if Lloyd goes down to his own inability to touch a car without wrecking it, he'll go down with him. But preferably neither of them are going down, Kai likes living life outside prison.

"No, you aren't," Kai says, shaking his head and rising in determination. "You're too young to go to prison."

"Yeah, I haven't even voted yet."

"Cut the sass or I'll make prison look like a playground next time I'm on training with you," Kai says, tightly. "Look, we're just gonna—"

There's a slam from the door of the building near them, and Kai hears voices sound from around the corner. Lloyd takes a careful step behind him, going pale.

"Ah," Kai says. "Okay!" he claps his hands together. "Lloyd, this next lesson is called hit and run, which is terrible and bad and you should never do, ever, however—" Heavy footsteps round the corner. "Desperate times!" Kai yelps, grabbing Lloyd by the arm and hauling them both into a sprint. "Run for it!"

* * *

"Weren't Kai and Lloyd supposed to be back by now?"

Nya looks up from her book, meeting Zane's concerned expression. "They're probably just taking their time," she says. "Lloyd didn't look super enthusiastic about driving."

"I suppose you're right," Zane says, not looking entirely reassured. Nya can't blame him — they're trusting their only normal car into the hands of Kai and Lloyd, the odds aren't exactly great.

Zane shifts, making to stand. "Pehraps I should check on—"

The heavy sound of a dragon landing on the deck echoes from the ceiling, and Nya gives a tiny sigh of relief as twin footsteps echo across the deck, heading down for the cabin. Both her and Zane glance at the door as it swings open — and blink. Kai and Lloyd look fairly cheerful, which probably has something to do with the three large boxes from the Great Ninjago Cookie Factory Lloyd's balancing in his arms, and the half-eaten slice he's got stuffed in his mouth.

"How'd driving go?" Nya asks, eyeing the boxes shrewdly. She's already debating how difficult it's going to be to wrestle those from Lloyd before he makes himself sick, chances slim to none.

"It went okay," Kai shrugs, hanging up his jacket. "Lloyd knows the gear shifts now."

"Yeah," Lloyd says, through a mouthful of cookie. "The PRDNL."

"Oh," Zane says, staring at them. "That's good. Did you bring the keys back?"

"Yup," Kai says, tossing Zane the key ring. Nya relaxes, exchanging relieved glances with Zane. Ah well, she sighs to herself. Its not that she's _unhappy_ to be wrong about her brothers' capability, but she'd really thought they might end up—

"By the way, the car's in downtown Ninjago," Kai says quickly, placing his hands on Lloyd's back and shoving. "It _mightbealittlewrecked _too but we gotta go, training awaits, go Lloyd _go_—"

Before Nya can blink, Kai's shoved Lloyd down the hall, the two sprinting away as Lloyd cackles. Zane gives a tiny, quiet sigh of utter despair.

Horrible as she feels, because poor Zane and his dejected expression, he doesn't deserve this…but Nya can't help the tiny smile of satisfaction that spreads across her face. _Ha_. Cole's losing twenty bucks to her after all.


End file.
